Cycle-8 Leaving New York

R.E.M.

我忘記老鼠喜歡什麼音樂了，我知道「我」並不喜歡208209買的披頭四塑膠靈魂，我記得他可能喜歡木匠兄妹或邁爾斯戴維斯，我自己呢，我愛死了REM的麥可史提普，像我以前跟Ｎ說過的「我想跟他的聲音上床」這種地步。

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有人說他總是看不懂我最近在寫什麼。

那是正常的啊。因為我只是一直圍繞著一件我想寫卻寫不下的事情的外圍打轉，等到這中心逐漸出現形狀時，我又會去畫紙上別的地方抹兩筆。不過其實也沒什麼必要這麼做，因為這至少不是我以前的板，我不用擔心有陌生人光明正大的來參觀。我想試試看。

試試看說我都懂了。

她這麼跟我說著，有時候哭著打來，有時候打來後哭著，她反覆的說著她男友之某些停滯不前的部分是讓她多難以接受多麼傷心，那無法前進的關係，沒有終點的等待，不斷的消耗，我曾經以為這是愛情的必然岔路之一，太陽總會升起來，酒總會喝完，布幕遲早要拉上。你知道，我是那種非得自己被熱水燙過才能學得會的人。知識與體驗之間有實踐的落差。然後當我懂了的時候，腦袋裡響起史提普的聲音。

三點睡覺一點半起床，我一面聽她說著，一面拿同事給我的柚子醬調起伏特加。要喝嗎？點頭。抽煙嗎？搖頭。你抽吧。沒什麼吃的，除了牛角麵包之外。好安靜，有塑膠袋悉悉嗦嗦的聲音，有我點著打火機的聲音，有她眼淚的聲音，史提普不停的唱著離開紐約（還是離開你？），好安靜。不是的，眼淚也可以沒有聲音，我記得的，有烤肉的味道與無聲的眼淚的晚上。我一面喝著馬克杯裡的（奇怪）柚子醬伏特加，一面聽著已經不知道是誰的人繼續說話，或許我就是她，然後史提普依然不停的唱著歌。

It's quiet now
And what it brings
Is everything

Comes calling back
A brilliant night
I'm still awake

I looked ahead
I'm sure I saw you there

You don't need me
To tell you now
That nothing can compare

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden A frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out

Now life is sweet
And what it brings
I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way

And all not lost
Still in my eyes
The shadow of necklace
Across your thigh
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear
This is real
Memory fuses and shatters like glass
Mercurial future, forget the past
It's you, it's what I feel.

You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)
You might have hidden a frown (change)
You might have succeeded in changing me (it's pulling me apart)
I might have been turned around (change)

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart
You find it in your heart, change...

I told you, forever
I love you, forever
I told you, I love you
I love you, forever
I told you, forever
You never, you never
You told me forever

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden the frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)